I promised myself I would attend the Breathe In, Bliss Out workshop at my gym tonight and I actually did it. That’s a win right there. I am on my way to total meditative relaxation.
I warmed up by walking on the treadmill and watching the Democratic Presidential Debate on CNN. Note to all: Watching a political debate is NOT a good way to prepare for a meditation class, though there is something about Wolf Blitzer’s voice that I find strangely soporific.
Anyway, all warmed up I head to the yoga studio and assemble all the assigned tools: mat, blanket, strap and two pink balls. The balls worried me because I thought it might lead to some kind of group activity, but no. We simply had to put them in incredibly uncomfortable places, place our full body weight on them and breathe through the pain. Oh, yeah. I am relaxing now.
The next phase of the class was some traditional yoga stuff – saluations I don’t know the name of and execute very poorly but usually enjoy. I enjoyed them tonight too, but because this was a breathing class we were getting very specific direction on when to inhale and when to exhale. I seem to be taking five breaths for every one the yoga teacher is taking. I’ll need to work on this. I also think there’s probably a difference between breathing (what the teacher was doing) and gasping (that would me be.)
The final third of the class we spent in the corpse pose. I love everything about the corpse pose. You just lay on your back and stay absolutely still. I was totally winning at corpse posing until the actual guided meditation began. Here’s me: Body completely motionless, mind racing a mile a minute.
Voice of Instructor: Imagine you are looking at a sun.
Me: Okay. Sun. That’s easy.
Instructor: A bird flies in front of the sun.
Me: Bird. Flight. Yes. What time in my flight to Dallas on Tuesday?
Instructor: A rain cloud moves in front of the sun.
Me: Focus. Raincloud….Hmmm. Do I need to bring a raincoat to Dallas? Better ask Julie.
Instructor: Now. focus on of the tips of your toes. Don’t think about anything but toes.
Me: And don’t forget to get that pedicure before you leave for Dallas.
Okay. You get the idea. My mind is not as still as a pond. My mind is more like Wolf’s crazy Situation Room back on CNN with 6 monitors plus a crawl across the bottom.
This is gonna take work.