Lian: Adventures of a MOB

Another classic day in the adventures of Lian, Mother of Boys. Yesterday, as my 7th grader Brookes was walking out the door, he turned to me and said, in his usual vague way, “I think I need a Queen Elizabeth costume for tomorrow. Can you get me one?” Sure, after the grocery store and before estimating my quarterly taxes, I’ll just swing by the Ye Olde Costume Store and Bootery and pick up a Virgin Queen ensemble. Unbelievable.

Before I turn all Cranky Mom, I do have to give the boy credit for choosing Elizabeth I as the historical character to portray in his school’s “Renaissance Idol” competition. No Magellan or Columbus for this kid. Thinking out of the (costume) box. Queen Elizabeth was a strategic choice on his part. Brookes does a fairly decent British accent, thanks to playing soccer for a British coach for years. He is an excellent public speaker who can be funny but not silly, thanks to his mother’s genes. And, for a 12 year- old boy, he bears a striking resemblance to Cate Blanchett. In short, he makes a pretty convincing Elizabeth. Why couldn’t he have mentioned the costume sooner!

If anyone had told me that parking on a Monday morning at the Salvation Army would be impossible, I would have scoffed. But I scoff no more. What a crowd buying holiday décor! “It’s the Christmas rush,” the checkout guy told me. “Our people start early.” No kidding, I had to park across the street . But I did score a perfect aubergine velvet dress, a white, satin-like shirt with a high neckline, and size 11 green suede pumps—all very regal for 9 bucks. That outfit, combined with my purple silky vampiress cape from Halloween and some paper doilies glue-gunned to the shirt to form a mock Elizabethan collar and , gosh darn it, Brookes actually looked like the Queen of England.

We made a late night stop at Sally’s Beauty Bazaar to score some temporary red hair dye ( please let it be temporary) and I convinced him that a little pancake make-up and red lipstick would put him over the top. He agreed and it did. I saw his history teacher today after school. She gave me the thumbs up and told me he was a shoo-in for the finals when his speech would be performed in front of the entire Middle School. My son, the Queen. I am very proud.